SoulTsunami

Leonard Sweet spares no metaphors to catch our attention. The culture has changed and continues to change in ways which greatly affect the church! We need to get with it!

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Becoming A Contagious Christian

Bill Hybels and Mark Mittleberg seek to infect Christian hearts with the love of God so they spread God's life-changing message. Reading this book could make you want to be a carrier!

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Sacred Honor, A Biography of Colin Powell

There are many reasons to read this book: to learn Colin Powell's life story, to get an inside look at many political and military leaders; to gain insights into the military life; to sit in on discussions of military strategies; and, to be exposed to some good, solid life principles.

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Featured Pages

Love Acts!

A Real Care Package!

Take A Message!

Self-inflicted Poverty

A Blessing's Five Key Elements

You are welcome here! Tommy Walker reminds us that this is a brand new day and a chance to say in a brand new way to God, "I love you."

You matter to us! You've heard this question haven't you? "Does a webpage that falls in the woods make any sound?" See what we're thinking? "If no one looks at our webpages, do they even exist?"

Problem Parents

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, Boundaries, When To Say Yes, When To Say No, To Take Control Of Your Life, Zondervan, 1992, pp. 27, 28.
SoAmazing.com

Category: Christian Living
ISBN: 0310585902
Keywords: parents, problems, boundary clarifications, helping, Zondervan, Cloud, Henry Cloud, Townsend, John Townsend

"The parents of a twenty-five-year-old man came to see me with a common request: they wanted me to 'fix' their son, Bill. When I asked where Bill was, they answered, 'Oh, he didn't want to come.'

'Why?' I asked.

'Well, he doesn't think he has a problem,' they replied.

'Maybe he's right,' I said, to their surprise. 'Tell me about it.'

They recited a history of problems that had begun at a very young age. Bill had never been 'quite up to snuff' in their eyes. In recent years he had exhibited problems with drugs and an inability to stay in school and find a career.

It was apparent that they loved their son very much and were heartbroken over the way he was living. They had tried everything they knew to get him to change and live a responsible life, but all had failed. He was still using drugs, avoiding responsibility, and keeping questionable company.

They told me that they had always given him everything he needed. He had plenty of money at school so 'he wouldn't have to work and he would have plenty of time for study and a social life.' When he flunked out of one school, or stopped going to classes, they were more than happy to do everything they could to get him into another school, 'where it might be better for him.'

After they had talked for a while, I responded: 'I think your son is right. He doesn't have a problem.'

You could have mistaken their expression for a snapshot; they stared at me in disbelief for a full minute. Finally the father said, 'did I hear your right? You don't think he has a problem?'

'That's correct,' I said. 'He doesn't have a problem. You do. He can do pretty much whatever he wants, no problem. You pay, you fret, you worry, you plan, you exert energy to keep him going. He doesn't have a problem because you have taken it from him. Those things should be his problem, but as it now stands, they are yours. Would you like for me to help you help him to have some problems?'

They looked at me like I was crazy, but some lights were beginning to go on in their heads. 'What do you mean, 'help him to have some problems'?' his mother asked. . . .

'As it stands now, he is irresponsible and happy, and you are responsible and miserable. A little boundary clarification would do the trick. You need some fences to keep his problems out of your yard and in his, where they belong.'

'Isn't that a bit cruel, just to stop helping like that?' the father asked.

'Has helping him helped?' I asked.

His look told me that he was beginning to understand."

SoAmazing Review: In Boundaries, Cloud and Townsend convincingly demonstrate the effectiveness of setting boundaries as a means to successful living.

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"We have to be continually reminded of what we believe. Neither this belief nor any other will automatically remain alive in the mind. It must be fed. And as a matter of fact, if you examined a hundred people who had lost their faith in Christianity, I wonder how many of them would turn out to have been reasoned out of it by honest argument? Do not most people simply drift away?" C.S. Lewis, p. 109, Mere Christianity.

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